What’s Cancelled Wednesday 9/23/20

Whether it’s police dogs or wheelchairs, this week’s cancellations are sure to ruffle some feathers, but don’t fight the change. It’s not about you, it’s about making everyone feel comfortable.

1. German Shepherds. These are powerful dogs. Their jaws can bite through the arm of a full-grown adult. But that’s not why they’re cancelled. They’re also police dogs. And since all cops are bad, that means German shepherds are too. I know some might say it’s racist to say all dogs of a certain breed are cancelled, but we all know racism is only against minorities, and last I checked, there’s a lot of German Shepherds out there. Hardly a minority, they’re cancelled.

2. Arson. People don’t burn things, fire does. I just started the fire, so sure, maybe I burned down one tree, but I didn’t burn the whole forest. It did that on its own. How can you be arrested for burning someone’s property if the fire is what burned it, not you? It’s time we decriminalize arson once and for all. Arson is so cancelled.

3. Wheelchairs. Listen, if you can’t walk, you don’t need some white man inventing a way for you to get around. Maybe the universe just didn’t mean for you to travel very far. So stop patronizing the differently-abled and let’s get rid of wheel chairs.