Trump Returns California, but Mexico Says “No Way, José”

In an unprecedented move, President Trump announced he would be returning California to Mexico, ceding back some of the land taken after the Mexican American War. The proposal is part of President Trump’s newly announced Mexican American Great Agreement, or the “M.A.G.A. Treaty”. The treaty will replace the previously negotiated NAFTA and will include some grandiose provisions including a border wall around all of California, paid for by Mexico, of course.

President Trump determined over the weekend that rather than help solve California’s problems, it would be easier to just give the entire state back to Mexico.

“There are some very good people in California, but there are also very bad people and I think they’d be better off in Mexico. Honestly, this is a good move for them. It really is,” the president said in a televised speech. “The people of California keep voting for lawlessness, I’m just giving them what they wanted. They can go to Mexico where there’s no police, just cartels. No police, just the way they like it.”

Mexico promptly rejected the offer saying the U.S. won the territory fair and square over a century ago. Mexican citizens and leaders alike allegedly want nothing to do with the socialist state, but President Trump seems insistent he can get them to accept the offer saying, “Well we don’t have a receipt, but I don’t think you need one. I mean that’s just me, but I don’t think we need a receipt to return California, so we’ll see.”

At press time, Mexican officials had proposed counter-offer where they would take everything south of L.A., but The U.S. would have to take Juarez in return. Trump seems adamant that they also take Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s San Fransisco district.