SILVER SPRING, Md. - TLC is experimenting with a new marketing campaign to advertise its lineup of Fall television shows, the Penguin has learned. The television network has set up a traveling freak show and begun to travel the country in a wagon train.
"Step right up! And see the greatest shows on earth!" announced a devilish top-hatted carny. "Come, gaze upon our many wonders. We've got 90 Day Fiances, Honey Boo Boos, doctors popping pimples, sister wives, conjoined triplets, little people, the morbidly obese, and families with so, so many children."
The company hopes that by making its performers more accessible, ratings won't fall to online streaming platforms.
"People like watching TLC because it makes them feel better about their own lives," said President and General Manager Howard Lee, "Like sure, you have $100,000 of debt for your useless feminist dance therapy degree, you lost your job at the Waffle House for doing too much cocaine, and your baby daddies are beefing with each other, but at least you're doing better than these people."
When asked about the ethics of parading the less fortunate around in cages to be gawked at by strangers, Lee chuckled. "It's nothing we haven't been doing for the last twenty years."