The Penguin presents: Ben Shapiro on Ice; facts have never been colder


NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro has announced his newest venture, a politically themed ice skating extravaganza... and just in time for the holidays!


"The Daily Wire is rapidly expanding into various new media," Shapiro said of his growing journalistic empire, "But the one form of artistic expression that has always eluded me has been interpretive ice dancing. So yes, this is my passion project and one true dream."


The production will feature Shapiro along with other various other Daily Wire personalities performing magnificent feats of athleticism on the ice, the beauty of their dance telling the story of an increasingly divided America on the precipice of cultural and political undoing.


One rousing musical number involves Shapiro skating circles around performers dressed in Andrew Cuomo and Jake Tapper bobble-head costumes while Meghan Trainer's "Lips Are Movin'" plays in the background.


Rumor has it that the show crescendos with Ben spinning a glittery, sequin-spandex-clad Michael Knowles in the death-defying "Iron Lotus."


"So come on down!" says Shapiro, "And yes, we only perform on ice made from the frozen tears of leftists."

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