BIKINI BOTTOM, Under the Sea – Beloved talking yellow sponge, Spongebob Squarepants had to part with his iconic pineapple home this week after the rising cost of living in Bikini Bottom and a stagnant minimum wage priced him out.
Sources familiar with the matter say that Squarepants asked his Libertarian boss, Mr. Krabs for a raise on multiple occasions. But Krabs didn't value the invertebrate's labor at $15 an hour and claimed to just as easily be able to hire a teenager to fill the unskilled labor position.
"Yar, I told the boy that he was welcome to go back to Boating School and earn his license so that he could make deliveries, but he wouldn't hear of it," said Eugene Krabs, "I've already got Mister Squidward pestering me with promotion talk, as if his Bachelor's in Fine Arts would make a difference."
With nowhere else to turn, the lovable sea sponge sold his pineapple below asking price and is allegedly crashing on the couch of neighbor and best friend, Patrick Star, who lives under a rock off of his parent's trust fund.
Who sold his pineapple under the sea? Indebted, homeless and bitter is he! If social justice be something you wish. Then go out to your local polling station on November third and vote “Yes” on Prop. 24.
This has been an ad on behalf of "Sardines for Change" for Bikini Bottom Proposition 24, "Raise the Minimum Wage to $15."