Slippery Slope upgraded to Double Black Diamond

Updated: Nov 23, 2020

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - The iconic American "slippery slope" has been upgraded to double black diamond, experts report. The measure was taken yesterday after California passed SB145, a bill introduced by state Sen. Scott Wiener which seeks to decriminalize gay sex between some adults and minors.

The bill allows judge discretion in cases where homosexual teens ages 14-17 have sexual relations with a man ten years their senior. Wiener notes that the "antiquated, dated" state laws allow such judicial provision for cases of underage vaginal intercourse. But instead of helping young girls escape pedophilic statutes, he opted to subject young boys to the same standard in the name of equality.

State Sen. Wiener is also known for co-sponsoring a bill eliminating felony repercussions of knowingly exposing a sexual partner to HIV.

"The left likes to say the slippery slope doesn't exist, brah," said U.S. Olympic snowboarder Damian Bodie, "But I've been shredding this gnar for three decades now and let me tell you: Back in '95 this was a bunny slope. The ride has just gotten more primo and I've been carving deeper and slipperier powpow every season."

Bodie lamented the fact that with the passage of SB145, the slope has started to become too steep. He fears that within three years, the slope will be a cliff and he will have to take his "shredding" to a more habitable slope.

Baffled scientists have researched how the slope has reached this incredibly slippery state.

"My hypothesis is that the slippery nature of the slope evolved from years of subliminal conditioning: books and movies that normalized pedophilia and abuse of children. In 1999 you have 'American Beauty' starring alleged abuser Kevin Spacey lusting after a high-school girl. And in 2017 you have 'Call Me By Your Name,' a film which goes beyond the imaginings of an adult male pedophile and acts on the urges." explained San Francisco-based Geologist, Dr. Ryan Erickson.

"In the 18 years between the films, we also witnessed a massive cultural shift pushing similar sentiment in the public sphere, like "drag queen story hour" where children are presented before an overtly sexualized art-form and even encouraged to participate in it, and all those who disagree are silenced with accusations of bigotry and smeared with various brands of 'phobia.' It's no wonder the slope is so slippery."

At press time, Dr. Erickson has been doxxed on Twitter, removed from his job, and has moved to rural Texas to escape the death threats against him and his family. He said that he was just happy to get his kids out of California and into a state that actually puts pedophiles where they belong.