Republicans Officially Not Invited to AOC's Birthday Party

NEW YORK - Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez issued a statement yesterday that officially barred Republicans from her 31st birthday party. The move comes after speculation that moderate Republicans might be allowed to come as the “plus one” of some moderate Democrats, a practice apparently not in accordance with the wishes of the young congresswoman.

“If you’re not good enough for my political party, then you’re definitely not good enough for my birthday party,” Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez said at a campaign event before scowling and plugging her ears as reports asked questions.

Sources say that Republicans will be missing out on a great party. Staffers for the young congresswoman say the event will begin with the limbo where the Democrats will see how low they can go. Then party-goers will play “pin-the-horns-on-Trump." To finish, special guest George Soros will lead a game of “Simon Says” where Democrats will have to do whatever he commands. There will be other activities as well and rumor has it there will be a lot of clowns at the party.

Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez has requested a red velvet cake be served because her favorite color is communist red. As for birthday presents, she wants “the greenest, newest deal” and if she doesn’t get it, she’s going to hold her breath until she passes out.