Report: 51% Of Voters Believe Money Grows On Trees

United States - A recent Gallup poll disturbingly suggests that at least fifty one percent of American voters actually believe that money grows on trees.

       The report comes hot on the heels of the presidential election, of which the media prematurely declared Joe Biden the winner. The question was stated in matter-of-fact form - "Does money grow on trees?" - and resulted in fifty one percent saying “yes” and just forty seven percent giving a definitive “no”. Even more discomforting was the two percent that said “maybe”.

      Some argue that the pollsters may not have used a true representative sample of voters, but Gallup assures that they went to great lengths to find that forty seven percent. A representative for the independent polling group stated, "While all of our polls have always been non-partisan and while we take our work very seriously, we did not expect this. I wish I could say that people misunderstood the question. Despite all of our efforts to restate the question in various ways and even ask it slower, the 'yeses' kept coming in."

      A follow-up question about the location of such a tree resulted in varied answers such as Fort Knox, Wall Street, and even the White House itself. These revelations show not only an apparent flaw in our education system, but also possibly a lack of understanding regarding objective reality. Pundits suggest that many of those polled were probably millennials and even Gen Z who have continued to live off of their parents, even into adulthood.

       Presidential probable Joe Biden has already announced plans to put together a team to investigate the possibility of a money tree to help the national reserve as soon as he takes office, saying, "We need real, viable solutions to heal our economy. After all, apples don't grow on trees."