Updated: Dec 2, 2020
STUDIO CITY, Calif. - Hallmark is stepping out of their comfort zone with a new twist on their classic tale - this year a woman will discover true happiness by leaving her family in their small hometown for a successful career in the big city.
A representative for the Hallmark Channel shared the plot with reporters at a press junket announcing their Christmas movie lineup. "This holiday season we flip the script on what you expect from our movies. Literally. No more sappy winter love stories about women who choose weakness over power."
She continued to explain that Hallmark has finally listened to the voice of the approximately four women who complained about the stereotypical holiday story in which a woman picks the patriarchy instead of feminism. Also nixed from the storyline is the plucky, romantic BFF who encourages the protagonist to go after the man. She will be supplanted by an archetypal bitter woman who educates the heroine on the rights and responsibilities of an empowered woman.
The humble, but handsome handyman crush has also been ousted and replaced with an emasculated shell of a man who loses his job and all semblance of masculinity. Santa Claus will also be removed from his job with health problems due to his unhealthy lifestyle. But no need for concern, Christmas will still happen, because Mrs. Claus is there to prove that a woman can do anything a man can do even better.
Alyssa Milano is set to play the lead character since she is a real-life woman who don't need no man, and also because being a feminist activist doesn't pay the bills. She is excited about the groundbreaking role, but says, "it will be difficult to play a brainwashed woman for the first part of the movie. Once my character unleashes her inner lioness, though, I shouldn't have any problem."
Hallmark's spokesperson closed by saying, “Don't worry, though, there will still be an adorable dog worked in there somewhere. We realize this spoils the plot, but nobody watches our movies for the story, if you know what I mean. They aren't that good."
The movie, titled "My Christmas, My Choice" is slated for release in early December.