Presidential Debate replaced with Presidential Socker Boppers Fight

CLEVELAND, Ohio - The Trump and Biden campaigns have agreed to forgo the presidential debates. Instead, the candidates will engage in a presidential Socker Boppers fight.

President Trump, always a showman, suggested an arm-wrestling match. However, Biden expressed concern over COVID-19. Rather than touch hands and risk transmission of a disease that neither clearly has, they settled on a boxing match with inflatable gloves. The geriatric candidates have agreed that the last person standing will be declared the winner. In the event of a tie after three rounds, the vice-presidential candidates will fight it out in a tie breaker match.

Democratic strategists are optimistic. They believe the president’s small hands will be ineffective in the large boppers. They also hope Biden’s terrific ability to dodge the press will translate into dodging punches.

Betting markets disagree and have President Trump favored to win. They expect Biden’s mental decline to hinder the candidate’s performance. As one sports better put it, “Biden won’t know what hit him.”