Updated: Dec 3, 2020
WESTMINSTER, LONDON, UK - Queen Elizabeth II just unleashed the ultimate power move to regain control of the American colonies. The English monarch has thrown her hat into the ring for US president while it is being contested.
The announcement came as a surprise, but since "The Crown" aired on Netflix, Americans have become quite enamored with the foreign royal. "It seems that your revolution may not have worked after all," she stated in a filmed address. "We would like to offer our help to our greatest ally in your time of need. I won't even tax your tea this time," she jested.
The beloved queen touted her extensive experience, saying, "if you want someone who can keep a country from falling into absolute pandemonium, I'm up to the task. I also hear you Americans are quite fond of female leaders. Well," she smiled, "I'm something of a woman myself."
While the last minute bid came as a bit of a shock, experts are weighing in to say it might not be such a bad idea. Political analyst Morris Bronson, who incidentally looked like a Donald Trump impersonator, posited that "having a British leader could actually be quite beneficial. She is not, after all, tied to any American political party, and could, therefore, offer real bipartisan leadership."
The main opposition has arisen from the Trump and Biden campaigns, who obviously have not watched "The Crown". It makes sense that those with the most to lose would stand in the way of progress, but if they saw season 2 they would probably step out of the way. At any rate, America seems ready to declare their first queen in a few centuries.
U.S. citizens would of course be required to hand over their guns. A small price to pay for unifying our world.