Pope Kicks Back With A Fat Doob, Says 'Whatever'


The Vatican, Rome, Italy - The notoriously progressive Pope Francis was spotted "chillaxing" with a large self-rolled blunt saying everyone should just do whatever they want.


      During an interesting interview with The Sanguine Penguin, the Pope was surprisingly candid. When asked about his feelings on riots taking place around the world, he responded by saying "Whatever, man."


      "Do you mind?" he asked as he opened a drawer and pulled out rolling papers and a bag of marijuana. As he sat down, he began forming a fat doobie that he puffed throughout the rest of the interview.


      Reclining in his chair, he lamented the state of the world. "If everyone could just learn to relax and just, like, hang out, things would be a whole lot cooler, you know? People get so stressed these days about 'what's right' and 'what's wrong' (air quotes his). I say just do what you want and don't hurt anyone."


      Asked for his opinion on the authority of Scripture, he stated "It's cool if you like books and stuff. I'm more of a philosopher myself." Specifically concerning the Ten Commandments, he declared, "They're not really rules so much as guidelines. I heard that on 'Pirates of the Caribbean' the other day. Ever watched those? They're awesome!"


      Wrapping things up, he posited that "Jesus was super chill. He took naps. He hung out with sinners. For all we know, He probably puffed the cheeba every once in a while."


      Upon public revelation of the Pope's habit, several cardinals admitted that they never actually reached the decision to confirm him in 2013. Instead, the white smoke exiting the Sistine Chapel was just Bergoglio taking a "meditation break."

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