“Oppression Olympics” go as scheduled

Portland, OR. - Despite fears of being canceled due to Covid, the opening ceremonies for this year's “Oppression Olympics” will go on as scheduled in Portland.

"What a relief. I am so looking forward to igniting the Olympic Gaslight," said Mayor Ted Wheeler, "Those angry white college students carried the flame all the way from New York."

The proud heritage of the games traces back many years, back to the before-time, the distant memory of 2016 when throngs of able-bodied people refused to go to work, choosing instead to throw themselves to their knees and wail at the sky.

Since that historic beginning, the Oppression Olympiad has grown and spread like wildfire across the nation. Visit any major city and surely you'll see members of the most privileged groups of the most free and prosperous society in human history competing in the games.

Keep up with the Penguin for coverage of all of your favorite events, or just tune into MSNBC.

We've got:

The Overton Window Shot-put

Slippery slope downhill skiing

Wrestling with invented suffering while ignoring actual injustice across the world

Intellectual Gymnastics to reject an economic system that raised the world out of

crushing poverty in favor of a system that is directly responsible for the deaths of 100

million people


Some critics have advocated hosting the games in Hong Kong or Northwest China to support persecuted populations like the silenced freedom protesters or the Uyghur Muslims who are being killed in concentration camps by a tyrannical, genocidal regime.

"It's cute that you want to help," said Oppression Olympic Committee Chair, oppressed millionaire athlete Megan Rapinoe, "But we can't risk offending our valuable Chinese sponsors."

At press time, the 2021 games will be held in the dystopian, fascist city of Seattle.