OP-ED from an Antifa Gamer: AR-15s are O.P. and Should Be Nerfed

These Republican hackers are pissing me off. All they do is sprint around with their AR-15s and 100-round magazine clips. It’s totally cheap and I think it’s about time the government nerfed them. That loser kid, Kyle Rittenhouse was a total noob and even he went on a kill-streak without trying. Meanwhile, us rioters have to grind to try to accomplish even the most basic quests.

My clan and I have been trying to burn down our local precinct building for almost three weeks now. Since we don’t have all the same overpowered gear the conservatives have, we’ve barely made any progress. I had to grind for hours just to chip away a few pieces of concrete to throw through some windows. My best friend broke her arm trying to gain a level by climbing on a police car to reach a fire escape. My other friend was just peacefully smashing a cop car when he got KO’d by a camper in an alleyway.

These noobs play so unfairly. It’s not even fun to riot anymore if we’re just going to get teargassed and killed. The least we can do is nerf some of the most O.P. strats the right is using. Let’s begin with AR-15s. These overpowered guns shoot supersonic bullets and are basically a one-hit-kill. So let’s either ban them entirely, or at least make them reload after each shot. Look at California’s laws for some inspiration.

Next, we need to get rid of tear gas. The massive AOE damage that we’re taking is totally unfair. To finish it off, I think it’s time we gave all rioters like me some buffs. Better weapons and armor, would be a start, but I think we also need to spawn in a few more rioters to even out the teams. If we can do those things, the game would be way more balanced.