Portland, OR - Federally dispatched law enforcement officers just clashed with what they thought were Antifa rioters. They were, however, mistaken. The “rioters” were actually a group of larpers (live-action role-players).
“The plastic shields, dorky costumes, and fake weapons really threw us off,” explained one of the officers. “We had been tipped off to their activity by a local resident who was concerned that the rioting had made its way into her community. We should have known better when we saw them fighting each other and yelling ‘Huzzah!’, but honestly, both groups are really weird.”
The LARP group, self-titled “Medieval Justice”, also confused officers and citizens with their signs. From slogans like “Justice is nigh!” to “Down with tyrants!” you can see how the perplexity set in. Also puzzling was the establishment of the “Supporting Player Autonomous Zone” nicknamed SPAZ.
Federal officers threw in tear gas and began to force the “rioters” back in what larper Chester Sterling referred to as “the coolest battle we’ve ever had.” He was exhilarated to announce that he had been pepper sprayed twice and hit with a baton. “My buddy Ricky was even loaded up in a van and taken away. It was so realistic!”
The federal officers involved in the incident have apologized and promised to more professionally assess the situation in the future. Several of the officers also declared their allegiance to the King of Fantalasia. “We’re looking forward to joining the group in our time off. They need a lot of help with their phalanx formation anyway.”