LOS GATOS, Calif. – Netflix plans to option this Sanguine Penguin article for a new original series, Sanguine Penguin has learned. The news broke in the first sentence. Netflix CEO, Reed Hastings, had this to say: “Sanguine Penguin? What the hell is that? Buy it. I don’t care. We’re Netflix.”
Producers say that this article will be transformed into a ten episode mini-series featuring an ensemble cast of little known actors that will have you asking questions like, “Was that guy on Black Mirror?” and “In what way is producing infinity and one multi-season original programs and three good ones for a $12 per month subscription fee a financially viable business model? Is this just another ‘MoviePass’ debacle?”
Since this article started, Sanguine Penguin has been informed that a second season has been ordered, this time only eight episodes and 84% of the original cast with 73% of the quality. But that’s okay, producers say that the show will get cancelled after a few seasons and then given a halfhearted, short-lived reboot in ten years before going back into the grave where it belongs.
The Penguin staff claims that they tried to get a deal with Hulu but that “they actually have standards, so here we are.”
Breaking: Netflix has now dropped a teaser-trailer for “Sanguine Penguin: The Movie,” streaming on April 4th, 2021. Sources familiar with the matter say that it’s a shame that Netflix will already be out of business after they lose “The Office” earlier that year.