Mogadishu withdraws from sister city agreement with Portland

Mogadishu, Somalia – Mogadishu mayor Omar Muhamoud Finnish announced at a press conference today that his city will be ending its diplomatic ties with the city of Portland, citing the violence, anarchy and general lawlessness of America’s 25th largest city.

“Mogadishu is a world-class destination for tourists and business travelers, not a rudderless Wild West with a drug problem and a decent track team” said Mr. Finnish, adding “It is with regret that we must withdraw from our sister-city agreement until Portland gets its personal thing together and decides what it wants to do with its life.”

The mayor concluded his remarks by extending jobs to any Portland law enforcement laid off due to the defund the police movement.