LANE COUNTY, Oregon - An arsonist suspected of igniting multiple forest fires was arrested by the Lane County Sheriff’s Department late last night. Global Warming was seen fleeing the scene of the massive Holiday Farm fire in McKenzie valley and was reported to police. Deputies spotted Mr. Warming a few days later when he was purchasing matches, gasoline, and vegan, gluten free milkshakes at a local gas station.
Oregon governor Kate Brown told the press, “See, I told you Global Warming started the fires. Nobody believed me, but I’ve been warning you all for years. If we don’t stop Global Warming, we’re going to see a massive increase in wildfires.”
Mr. Warming is suspected of a plethora of additional crimes spanning the globe. While many have rejoiced that authorities have finally stopped Global Warming, his accomplice, Climate Change, is still at large. Anyone with information on the whereabouts of Climate Change is encouraged to call their local police department.