Long thought extinct, Pander Bear seen alive and well at Democratic Convention


MILWAUKEE, Wisc. - The rare, highly endangered Pander Bear was spotted at the Democratic Convention last night. The animal appeared in the background of a Zoom call during the public roll-call and was subsequently invited to deliver a speech.


"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee," growled the bear, in an eye-watering speech castigating the villainous President Donald J. Trump, "Reeeee. Reeee. Ree."


The crowd allegedly honored him with a ten minute standing ovation and 24 hours of media coverage as a "brave hero of the republic."


The Pander Bear was last spotted at the 2020 Academy Awards in February. Experts say there's no telling how long he might go back into hibernation, but sources familiar with the matter indicate that the mammal plans to return several times before the November elections.



34 views

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter

© 2020 by The Sanguine Penguin LLC.