Life Finds A Way: ‘Christians Against Dinosaurs’ Facebook Group Infiltrated By Dinosaurs


The Internet - Dinosaurs have successfully infiltrated the private Facebook group “Christians Against Dinosaurs" (CAD), Sanguine Penguin has learned. This came as an especially unwelcome surprise for the group's administrator, Ronald Mills, who, the dinosaurs indicated repeatedly posts that "the devil planted fossils to test our faith."


The CAD members were perplexed as to where the long-extinct interlopers could have come from, decrying them as nothing more than common internet trolls. That's when renowned chaotician Dr. Ian Malcolm butted his way into the conversation.


"No, no. Trolls are mythical creatures. These are living fossils," Malcolm said, drizzling an entire container of baby oil on his swarthy chest, "Life, uh, finds a way. God created dinosaurs. God created man. Man destroyed God. There you have it. That’s chaos theory right there.”


Further investigation revealed that the so-called trolls are in fact actual prehistoric dinosaurs resurrected by Dr. Allen Grant using a 3-D printed resonating chamber formed from a fossilized velociraptor skull, intellectually supplemented with Google Translate and the entire catalog of Vox articles.


Using Google translate, one of the raptors, Blue, expressed that she had grown tired of what she called "targeted species erasure." She, and other dinosaurs claimed to avoid exposing themselves to the outside world because of the fear and opposition they face. Blue also wanted everyone to know that shortening her species name to “raptor” or calling them “six foot turkeys” is bigoted and problematic.


"We're here to make pre-HERstory," said the clever girl.


“How many times do you have to see the evidence? How many times must the point be made?” Malcolm continued, “Our home has, in fundamental ways, been polluted by avarice and political megalomania. Humans and dinosaurs are now gonna be forced to coexist. These creatures were here before us. And, if we’re not careful, they’re gonna be here after.”


At press time, the dinos have also infiltrated the Flat Earth Society’s Facebook group.


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