LA Lakers hire Jackie Moon in desperate bid for relevancy

Updated: Oct 12, 2020

LOS ANGELES, Calif. - NBA ratings are wildly down this year as jaded viewers have tuned out the woke sports league. But the Los Angeles Lakers have refused to die without a fight. Lakers president Jeanie Buss made the unilateral decision to hire semi-pro basketball player Jackie Moon from the Flint Tropics.

Ms. Buss’s decision comes after the Laker’s NBA Finals Game 4 against the Miami Heat drew only the fourth most viewers for the evening. Tucker Carlson, Dora the Explorer, and a Transformers 4 re-run all drew greater ratings.

While the NBA is embracing woke messaging by allowing to wear messages like “Black Lives Matter” on game jerseys, the tactic seems to not have worked. Many teams have decided to double down on the strategy by getting team tattoos of alleged-rapist Jacob Blake and Chinese leader Mao Zedong. The Lakers have broken ranks by putting their trust in Jackie Moon.

Jackie Moon has previous experience raising viewership of Flint Tropics games by coordinating crazy stunts and gimmicks. His biggest suggestions for the Lakers include turning the court into a giant slip ‘n slide, giving free baked beans to every fan who watches the game, and actually just playing basketball without woke messaging. The team has decided to take some of his suggestions and ignore others. Fans can expect to receive their beans as early as next week.