Joel Osteen announces line of inspirational toilet paper

Houston, TX - Lakewood Church Pastor Joel Osteen has just announced Inspiration Paper, a new line of toilet paper printed with some of his inspirational quotes.

Hot on the heels of his innovative and successful glorified doorstop, the Inspiration Cube, Osteen has done it again. Each sheet of this patented two-ply tissue is beautifully marked with positive sayings from the popular speaker. Users will be able to wipe their posteriors with positivity.

"Wipe That Negativity Out Of Your Life", "Keep pushing! You're on the verge of something big!", and "Release what is inside you to become the best you." are just a few of the

motivational phrases you'll find on a roll of Inspiration Paper. And when you're done, every roll core is made from a page out of Joel's bestselling book "Empty Out The Negative".

The motivational speaker said the idea came to him when he ran out of toilet paper at the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic. "I didn't have any toilet paper, but I did have several back stock copies of 'Your Best Life Now', and as I tore out the pages, I thought, man, I wish wiping was always this inspiring."

Fellow bestselling pseudo-Christian motivational author, Rachel Hollis, is reportedly working on her own line of inspiring bathroom tissue called  "Girl, Wipe Your Butt." Inspiration Paper is expected to roll off of shelves just in time for Thanksgiving.