Jeff Bezos Sues Amazon Rainforest for Trademark Violation

SEATTLE, Wash. - Jeff Bezos has been on the attack lately, suing the competition out of existence. This week’s target is the Amazon Rainforest, which he claims has been infringing on’s trademark for years. lawyers walked to the center of the rainforest letter last spring and personally placed a cease and desist letter at the foot of the largest tree they could find, but after no response from the Amazon Rainforest, they have moved forward with a lawsuit.

Bezos won a summary judgment last week when the rainforest refused to respond to the court summons. However, it was determined that the rainforest lacked legal representation at all. Some environmentalists tried to appear on behalf of the Amazon Rainforest, but were not allowed to represent said respondent because they are not a member of any bar. They argued that they spend a lot of time at Dave & Buster’s but were bummed when the Judge rejected that argument.

No-one really knows how damages will be calculated. It is thought, since Bezos already has all the money in the world, that there may be a token damages award from the respondent in the amount of 3 coconuts, and one really pissed off Howler Monkey.