In Tech Hearing, Senators Irate Mark Zuckerberg Won’t Unlock Their Gmail Accounts

WASHINGTON, District of Columbia – Several Silicon Valley CEOs were, yet again, hauled in front of Congress last week. The Senate Commerce Committee decided it was their turn to swing and miss at the top tech giants.

Senator Ed Markey (D-MA) led off one of the most confusing exchanges. “Mr. Zuckerberg, I am particularly concerned that big tech is censoring my personal email account,” said Markey. To which the Facebook Chief calmly and flatly replied, “I don’t have anything to do with email, I run Facebook, a social media site, Senator.” Mr. Markey clearly wasn’t listening and continued, “I have been locked out of my gmail, and it keeps demanding I read out one of these new-fangled ‘captchas’… Do you know how hard that is to do with cataracts in both eyes?” To which Zuckerberg sarcastically replied, “Have you tried turning off your email, then turning it back on again?”

Later in the hearing, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) was able to recite, entirely from memory, seventeen Federalist Papers in only fifteen minutes.