“I Am The Senate," Biden declares, extending Lightsaber


Cleveland, OH - In an odd display of prowess during the “presidential” debate, Democratic hopeful Joe Biden suddenly drew a lightsaber and declared “I am the Senate.”


Not to be outdone, Republican incumbent Donald Trump drew his own laser sword and rebutted “not yet.” “It’s treason, then,” Biden countered. As “Duel of the Fates” boomed in the house speakers, the two senior citizens became embroiled in a not-so-epic lightsaber battle that was broken up by moderator Chris Wallace.

Amidst the chaos, Wallace continued with his prepared questions. “Mr. President, why should people vote for you instead of your opponent?”


President Trump extended a finger, pursed his lips and offered his cringy delivered response, “I’ve seen a security hologram of him...sniffing younglings.” He recoiled as he buried his mouth in his hand.


Biden retorted, “Look. I didn’t do that. I would never do that. I wanted to go to Toshi Station and pick up some power converters. I would just as soon kiss a Wookiee, you no-good, scruffy-looking nerf-herder.”


“Who’s scruffy-lookin’?” Trump demanded to know. “I’m strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark. Everyone knows that. People will tell you.”

Biden shifted gears and claimed, “I love democracy. It’s rough. It’s course. It gets everywhere. This is how liberty dies, you old scoundrel. With thunderous applause.”


The debate concluded with an inexplicable show of lightning from Biden’s fingertips that reflected off of Trump’s lightsaber, turning old Joe into a ghoulish, wrinkled monster.

Asked for a final comment, Biden stated, “The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed, but I assure you, my resolve has never been stronger! Together we shall rule the galaxy as father and son!”

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