God Drops New Teaser Trailer for Apocalypse

EARTH, MILKY WAY – Following a summer of natural disasters, mounting geopolitical tension, and deep social unrest across the globe, prophets have confirmed that these events are actually just the new teaser trailer for “The Biblical Apocalypse.”

“We wanted to preview some sneak-peeks to generate buzz about the feature,” commented Michael, Heaven’s Archangel and the project’s Executive Producer. “Keen-eyed fans will notice a lot of Easter Eggs in this 2020 trailer, like ‘wars and rumors of wars,’ ‘earthquakes,’ and ‘famines…’ all of those Mark Chapter 13 ‘birth pangs.’ We even threw in an homage to the mark of the beast with that Wisconsin-based company microchipping its employees.”

Sanguine Penguin sources report that the full trailer was leaked a couple of thousand years back by John in the Book of Revelation. But view at your own risk: It’s full of spoilers. This isn’t to be confused with the fan-made version, Left Behind, pieced together after Christian authors Jerry B. Jenkins and Tim LaHaye stumbled across the original.

Not even the angels in Heaven know the day or the hour of the project’s release date, only the Father. But it’s looking like The Biblical Apocalypse will be met with stiff competition, facing off against Thor: Ragnarok, now streaming Disney Plus.