Frito-Lay releases new chip flavor: communion wafer

PLANO, TX – From the snack company that brought you such wacky snack flavors as Chicken and Waffles, Everything Bagel, and Cappuccino, comes the newest addition to the Frito-Lay family: Communion Wafer.

“I really wanted to capture that dynamic combination of zero flavor and packing-peanut mouthfeel,” said creator, Brad Wilkinson, who grew up as a pastor’s kid. “When dad wasn’t looking, I used to steal them out of the little metal trays by the handful.”

Wilkinson faced frustration when his church shifted to little nibbles of actual bread in the late-2000s in order to stay relevant. He attempted to satiate his urge for nutrionless, particleboard-esque morsels on the secular market, but no believable substitute existed until now.

Not one to rest on his laurels, Wilkinson spoke to The Sanguine Penguin about his next big idea which he plans to pitch to Coca-Cola next month: “It’s like grape Capri-Sun but in a thimble.”