Famine after year's Billie Eilish crop doesn't ripen

NAPA VALLEY, Calif. - Famine sweeps the nation after the annual Billie Eilish crop refuses to ripen.

"The Eilishes usually bloom by midsummer and by September first, we are feasting on nature's bounty until well into next year," lamented third generation Eilish farmer, Jeb Watkins, "My daddy worked these hills, and his daddy before him. But the land has given out and will no longer sustain the crop."

Looks like the party's over.