Updated: Nov 23, 2020
UNITED STATES - For the time being, it looks like Donald Trump might win a second term, but don’t worry! Democrats are hot on the case, digging up new votes even as election day has passed.
Local organizers across the nation are ushering volunteers through local graveyards and nursing homes with shovels, wheelbarrows, and in some cases dynamite. They’ve been blasting away to dig up as many votes as possible before elections close sometime in November, and they’ve been quite successful at it.
Pennsylvania has been one of the most successful places for Democratic vote diggers. “Pennsylvania is known for mining, so of course we can dig up votes better than anyone” said Sandy Herpson, a Democrat from Pittsburgh and 7th grade teacher. She has volunteered to help dig every weekend so far. “I even offered extra credit to every kid who could get their parents to vote for Biden” she said.
Party leaders have charged forward too by grabbing their own shovels to help out too. Former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton was seen carting off hundreds of ballots in an overflowing wheelbarrow. “Hurry up, everybody! If we don’t get all these ballots to the polling place by three days after election day, Donald Trump might steal the presidency again!” she shouted.