HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - The House of Representatives has tapped talent-adjacent person, Ryan Seacrest to host call-in voting for the 2020 presidential election. The decision arrived amidst a battle over the future of the U.S. Postal Service and claims on the left of voter suppression.
"All Americans have a right to vote," said Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, "No matter who they are or where they live, or how many times they want to do it, if they're alive, or if they're dead."
"Voting has never been this easy!" exclaimed the 15 season American Idol host, "Just dial a number, any number, it doesn't even have to be a complete number. Type a couple of digits or an incomprehensible string of characters and emojis or even 80085 over and over again, and we will securely register your vote for Joe Biden."
At press, the call-in number for Trump goes to the landline of that one Blockbuster Video still left in Alaska.