CHICAGO, Ill. - Strange behavior has been observed at the Lincoln Park Zoo. Zookeepers have observed chimpanzees rapidly evolving before our very eyes. Sources report that in late spring of this year, Smiley, the leader of the chimps, began systematically breaking branches off the exhibit trees. Only a few days after, keepers noticed him use a rock to carve another tree into long straight boards. The chimps began stockpiling other boards in a corner of their exhibit.
The unusual activity has continued for months. Zookeepers, desperate not to interfere, acted as if they did not notice and continued to feed the chimps regularly. The structure began to take the recognizable shape of a large boat only one month ago.
The construction has greatly affected the behavior of the animals. Smiley is usually a notorious jokester, known for taking the hats off visitors, but last week he stole a bible from one of the guests.
Senior zookeeper Alexis Kemp noted that, “Every so often we’ll hear this loud howling and all the chimps will be gathered around Smiley. He just hollers and points to the pages in the book. Strangely, it’s almost always opened to Genesis.”
Other exhibits have only recently begun to exhibit similarly strange behavior. Pairs of animals have escaped their enclosures only to be found on the chimp’s boat. Zookeepers attempted to board the ark once, but were turned away. Socks used sign language to tell the keepers, “you are the reason for big rain.”
Zookeepers are still puzzled as to the meaning, but many suspect that the age of man has ended, and the age of monkey has begun.