CDC Study: Fursuits More Effective Than N95 Masks

Masks have proved a controversial topic for some, but a new study finds they may not be as effective as once thought. Studies performed by the Center for Disease Control (CDC) and other international studies have proven the effectiveness of N95 masks, to varying degrees, but new studies show they may not be the most effective solution.

CDC researcher Collin Sacksbury alleges a new study has proven that fursuits are up to 600% more effective than the ubiquitous N95 masks. Fursuits are the full body suits worn by animal “enthusiasts” to make the wearer look like a cartoon animal, typically a canine or feline.

Mr. Sacksbury, who goes by the name “Fuzzy Buttons” when donning his own fursuit, a turquoise leopard with an “extra fluffy” tail, claims the fursuits, if used correctly, make it virtually impossible to transmit or receive Covid-19. “The full face covering and fuzzy wuzzy gloves preclude nearly any particles from entering or leaving the suit. Transmission rates of any disease other than STDs with this kind of setup are near zero,” Sacksbury claims.

The official study is set to release next week, but national figures are already jumping on board. Dr. Anthony Fauci donned his own fursuit mask at a recent hearing about Covid-19. “Fursuits are the solution we’ve been searching for since early March. You want to open the bars, wear a fursuit. You want to open the gyms? Wear a fursuit. Attend a peaceful riot? Wear a fursuit,” He proclaimed. “I can’t believe we didn’t think of this earlier,” he finished, “besides, once you put your fursuit on, nobody will come near you anyways.”