CHICAGO, IL - “Hello, would you like to buy remission from the temporal punishment of your sins and a reduced sentence in Purgatory?” asked plucky 13 year-old Ricky Fitzgibbons to a shocked homeowner after knocking on his door.
“Thirty cents on the dollar goes to sending kids like me to our annual youth group ski retreat,” the little boy added, holding out a stack “Get Out of Jail Free” cards with specific sins written on them.
“Usually these kids just sell popcorn or cookies,” lamented the buyer, 32 year-old Charles Wheeler, who was visibly distressed after being told by a seemingly-credible theological source that the complete sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross could only atone for portion of his sin but that supporting the ski trip could help cover the cost.
“Thin Mints don’t cause you to contemplate the destination of your eternal soul, they’re just minty and delicious,” Wheeler cried out while shoveling pork rinds into his mouth and waving around a “Gluttony” indulgence coupon.
Outraged over the commercialization of salvation, one intrepid Catholic youngster quit the youth group after posting 95 tweets @ the official page of the Catholic Church. Reports say he went off to found his own youth group.