California executes Prof. Oak for misgendering hate crime


SACRAMENTO, Calif. - California has announced it has executed Professor Oak. Profeessor Oak has had a long history of animal abuse, having kept numerous animals in cages for study or to train for sport fighting. But what did him in was not animal fighting, but misgendering.


Under California Penal Code Section 422.55, asking whether a person is a 'boy' or a 'girl' is considered a hate crime. Violators may be subject to a stint at one of California's famous re-education camps (either UCLA or UC Berkley), permanent banishment to a degenerate state such as Nebraska or Texas, or in Prof. Oak's case, death.


The crime was committed when a child, around the age of 10, approached Prof. Oak about acquiring a Pokemon. In his defense, Ash Ketchum, is pretty feminine for a boy. Still, California recognizes not one, but over 666 different genders. If any person is caught simply asking if a person is a 'boy' or a 'girl,' they are ignoring the other 664 genders, thereby treating them as lessor. Instead, the state recommends listing all legally recognized genders by asking "are you a boy, girl, gender-kin, androgenous, gender fluid, two-spirit, rabbit-folk, trans-mermaid-sexual, etc?" Other legal options include asking "which gender are you?" or "what mental illness do you have?"


Prof. Oak's death was originally scheduled for 3-weeks ago, but was postponed when the executioner couldn't obtain the necessary guns required for a firing squad. California state law requires waiting periods and other restrictions before buying guns, but unfortunately, none of the state employees could pass the background check anyways. Too much medical marijuana disqualified the majority and the rest refused to buy a gun on ethical grounds. Prison guard Arnold Pearson offered to conduct the execution with his California compliant Glock 22, a 40 caliber pistol, but was instead fired from his job for "being a gun nut wacko." So the State of California had to change plans quickly.


The state switched the method of death to lethal injection. To obtain the drugs, the executioner walked outside the prison, and traveled over 35 feet to borrow needles from the 6 nearest junkies. For their efforts, the homeless men were rewarded with a three-week pass to use the toilet at the local 7-11. They all declined, saying they prefer their usual spot on the sidewalk instead.



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