California Buys 75 Billion AA Batteries to Help Counter Rolling Blackouts


SACRAMENTO, Calif. – California Governor Gavin Newsom announced the state would be purchasing billions of AA batteries to help residents deal with rolling blackouts. California power companies have struggled to meet consumer demand as the inefficiencies of the state’s green energy initiative have become clear over the past couple of years. To fix this, the state plans to purchase 75 billion AA batteries.


Governor Newsom gave an address to announce the plan saying, “California will power through these blackouts together. That’s why I am hiring thousands of new workers to go to every grocery store and every gas station to buy all the AA batteries in the country. After all, we’re all in this together.” Newsom promptly left the event, taking a helicopter to his governor’s mansion.


The plan calls for the 75 billion batteries to be distributed evenly amongst California residents. This would give each Californian nearly 2,000 batteries at a cost of over $90 billion total. It is unclear at this time what residents should do with them, but some have suggested they will finally change the batteries in their TV remotes.

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