California buys 1,000 tractors in preparation for ballot harvest

Calif. - The state of California completed a purchase of 1,000 new John Deere tractors to help with the state’s bi-annual ballot harvesting. The tractors were delivered last Friday to the applause of democratic state legislators.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi attended the ceremonial acceptance of the machines and took one out for a test drive. “Dad gum, you could really harvest a lot of votes with this bad Larry,” the Speaker exclaimed as she reaped a fresh field of ballots wearing overalls and packing a lip of Grizzly.

The equipment is top of the line, shipped directly from Deere's Chinese plant to California. The high-tech harvesters have many upgrades over previous models. Some of the new features include an upgraded Republican ballot destroyer and an automatic dead-voter registration function. The machines are expected to increase voter turnout to over 100% for the first time ever.

Using the new technique, the 2020 Farmer's Almanac predicts light rains and a unanimous Democrat victory.

Update: The plan has come to a screeching halt after the DNC was unable to find a single democrat who knows how to farm.