Biden seen panhandling for votes under bridge

WILMINGTON, Del. - Papers were flying, phones were ringing off the hook, interns were sheepishly hiding in corners. The scene at the Democratic campaign headquarters was hectic this morning, far more hectic than usual. Joe Biden, the presidential nominee was missing for the entire workday and no one knew where he was.

“We just had no clue. He’s wandered off before, but he’s always had his security team with him. I guess he must have slipped out of their sight,” said Molly Hemingway, head field manager at the Biden campaign. “We checked the basement, obviously, but he wasn’t there. I had to cancel both of our events this morning. There were tens of disappointed supporters that didn’t get to see their candidate. It was a major setback for us.”

It wasn’t until nearly 4 P.M. that staffers located the elderly candidate. They found him alone under a bridge with an empty cup and a cardboard sign, begging for votes. “Come on, man. Can’t you spare a vote for a former vice president?” he would sheepishly ask each passerby.

The team loaded up a weary Mr. Biden and placed him securely in his basement where Jill Biden called a lid on his behalf until November 3rd. As for the campaign, they’ve had enough excitement for one week.