Biden gives speech declaring victory in Europe

The media finally called the election for Joe Biden after leaving millions of Americans in suspense, not knowing if the media was in Joe Biden’s pocket, or was truly unbiased. To nobody’s surprise, they are in Joe Biden’s pocket.

After winning 227 electoral votes, and maybe winning another 63, the Biden campaign walked on stage to declare victory last night. But the geriatric maybe-president-elect had bigger news. Not only did the Biden campaign win the U.S. Presidential election, according to Mr. Biden, they won a decisive victory against the Nazis in Europe as well.

“We did it! We’ve beaten the German war machine and destroyed Hitler’s terrible regime. Today is a day all of America can be proud of our boys oversees who fought the good fight and defeated the Hun! Today, We are declaring victory in Europe!” Shouted an exuberant Joe, who looked nearly 5 years younger as he controlled the stage like a spry 72-year-old.

It appears Mr. Biden hasn’t realized he is considered to have won the presidency yet, but no worries. He has big plans for America anyways, saying, “Next we’ll take the fight to the Japanese mainland!”