Updated: Dec 26, 2020
ATLANTA, Ga. - This week, Arby's announced its answer to Burger King's plant-based "Impossible Burger." The reveal, nearly a year late, has come as a surprise to critics.
When reached for comment on the delayed sandwich, Arby's CEO Paul Brown had this to say: "If you expect timely market research, nutritious taste, or clean dumpers, then you've come to the wrong purveyor of room temperature cold cuts."
Burger King made headlines last August with its healthy alternative to the greasy fast food hamburger. The product has even been picked up by Trader Joe's for sale direct to the consumer, and as some speculate, the first step in a plant-based meat substitute revolution that will change the ways that humans resource food.
According to Muncie, Indiana store manager, Keith, Arby's also plans to transform the meat substitute market.
"Possum-based nutrition is the future," said Keith, "They are a lean protein from their tick-based diet. And they only carry leprosy in their urine and feces if not cooked thoroughly."
The corporation plans to launch on Saint Patrick's day with a "Top of the O'Possum to You" two for one special. So come on down to Arby's and enjoy our fresh, never frozen possum. Armadillo options available in Texas.