Antifa Answers


DEAR ANTIFA,


Amidst all this uncertainty, I decided to buy a gun for my own protection and I failed the background check. What gives! I thought guns were supposed to be easy to buy. What about the gun-show loophole?


From,

DEFENSELESS IN DETROIT

DEAR DEFENSELESS,


There are tons of us in your situation and the true is that the game is rigged. It’s rigged in favor of white men and republicans. The Trump administration has stripped our right to buy a gun away from us by labeling people like you and me as criminals. All I did was burn down a police car and punch some stupid MAGA-hat wearing racist, but now I can’t buy a gun ever.


Believe it or not, gun shows actually do conduct background checks, so that option is out too. The only way for me to buy a gun is to buy one directly from a third party, but even that is impossible because I can’t just buy it online. If I try to buy a gun in-person, I have to convince the seller that I am legally allowed to own a gun, which is very hard for me to do with my ankle bracelet on.


We’re just screwed, so your best bet is to move to a safe area where they’ve made it basically illegal to own or use guns. Somewhere like Chicago or New York is pretty safe by that measure. I personally moved to Portland.

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