My dad is a police officer and I’m black. Will he still shoot me?
Hands Up in New Hampshire
DEAR HANDS UP,
All cops are bastards. Let me say that again. ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS. Yes, he will shoot you. It might not happen today, but it will happen. Maybe he pulls you over in a traffic stop and starts firing before he realizes it’s you. Maybe you come home late and he mistakes you for a protester robbing his house for reparations.
Maybe it’s not even on purpose. Guns go off by themselves all the time, you know. People don’t kill people, guns kill people. If he’s a cop ̶ sorry ̶ I mean If he’s a pig, then he probably brings his gun home at night. Well that thing can go off randomly and kill you instantly. Moral of the story: your days are numbered. If I were you, I’d flee to a safer city like Portland or Chicago.