Antifa Answers


DEAR ANTIFA,

How can I reconcile that my parents are capitalist pigs, yet I am forced to live with them because the socialist utopia is not complete yet?

From,

Oppressed in Ohio

DEAR OPPRESSED,

Don’t be worried, the majority of Antifa and other Marxist sympathizers in the U.S. are in the same situation, living in mom and dad’s basement. Sometimes, to destroy the system, we must first take advantage of it.


The best way to do this is to steal your dad’s credit card and buy as much riot gear and marijuana as you can. Max them all out if possible, don’t worry, he won’t have to pay them back once we cancel all debt. Then, join your revolutionary brethren in the streets in the fight for equality.


As we burn down rich homes, we will inevitably find ourselves on your suburban block. When that happens, you will know that it’s time to break free and destroy all that your parents worked for in the name of equality. You’re right, the utopia hasn’t been established yet, but soon, we will all live in equal homelessness and despair!


Kisses,

ANTIFA

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