Updated: Sep 2, 2020
ANTARCTICA - For the 23rd consecutive week, Antarctica has reported zero, that's right, ZERO new COVID-19 cases. The continent began reporting cases in March and since the beginning has held flat with no recorded cases, the only continent to do so. The only country that is even close to Antarctica in controlling the virus is the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, which has also reported zero cases since March, an astounding accomplishment.
Researchers at King Edward Point Research Station credit strict social distancing and mask wearing for their success. Researcher Jonathan Stones stated, "We gather in groups of no more than twelve, which makes sense, because there's only twelve of us here anyways. We also wear masks, but only outside since it's too cold to walk out without one."
The results have astounded researchers throughout the globe. The prevailing belief has been that heat and light can kill or hinder the virus, but the data from the south pole runs directly against that thinking.
CDC spokeswoman Maria Barrios remarked, "We've been keeping a close eye on what's happening in Antarctica, and are conducting tests on whether temperatures of -40 or less may kill the virus. The results should be evident in the coming months."
At press time, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was seen calling for "industrial strength air-conditioners for all"