Washington, DC - All members of the National Guard have been relieved of duty regarding Joe Biden’s presidential inauguration. The administration cites that after investigations, most, if not all, were revealed to have voted for Donald Trump.
In addition to casting their ballots for the former president, these service-members were realized to also be members of known fringe groups such as the Republican party, the NRA, and various churches. Their combined affiliations proved to be too dangerous for the president-elect’s safety.
During a press release, President Biden stated, “After performing background checks on the service men and women selected to provide security at my inauguration, my administration decided they were not the right group for the job.” When asked about their exact findings, he continued, “I hate to use the words “deplorable” or “riff-raff”, but if the boots fit. Don’t get me wrong, I love the military. But it’s time we reevaluated who exactly forms our armed forces.”
Asked for comment, the Chief of the National Guard Bureau, said, “We were prepared to do the duty of serving our great nation despite any personal feelings or affiliations. But if the president does not want our services, most of us were hoping to go to president Trump’s parade anyway.”
Antifa organizers are currently preparing molotov cocktails and pallets of bricks in order to provide last minute security for the inauguration.