ACB converts to Islam to avoid Democratic religious attacks

WASHINGTON - Democrats have been grilling Judge Amy Coney Barrett over the last few day trying desperately to find a chink in her defenses. Weeping crocodile tears, Senator Cory Booker walked the boards delivering a grandiose soliloquy asking the judge to condemn white supremacy. He appeared shocked when she responded “Yes."

Similarly, Kamala Harris’ attacks fell flat when the Supreme Court nominee pledged to serve as an independent justice by upholding the Constitution rather than bending to political whims. But the democrats found their avenue when they began criticizing Amy Coney Barrett’s Catholic faith.

The accusations have come primarily from the media, accusing Amy Coney Barrett of being a shill, beholden to the Pope and accountable to God. Reporters grilled her in editorials across the media for believing in a higher power. “How can we maintain an independent judiciary when we appoint Catholics to the bench? What happens when God tells her she must protect the sanctity of life?” asked CNN anchor, Chris Cuomo, “I’ll tell you what. We’ll lose the death penalty, we’ll lose the ability to abort babies after 8 months and 29 days, 330 million Americans will lose their government healthcare.”

After a barrage of attacks, Amy Coney Barrett admitted her mistake and found a solution. By converting to Islam, the judge has completely stymied all religious attacks from the left. Democrats were flabbergasted by the move. They had no idea how to criticize an extraordinarily qualified justice who was also a minority woman.

Many even had a change of heart and begun supporting the nomination of Judge Barrett. Bernie Sanders, the Jewish, Independent Senator from Vermont seemed pleased with her conversion, “I hate to admit it, but Trump made a good pick. He finally chose someone who will stand up for what American believes in. As the first Muslim Justice on the Court, Amy Coney Barrett will be a strong voice for Democratic positions like women’s rights, and supporting the LGBTQ+ community"