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California executes Prof. Oak for misgendering hate crime
Sanguine Penguin
  • Jan 6, 2021
  • 2 min

California executes Prof. Oak for misgendering hate crime

SACRAMENTO, Calif. - California has announced it has executed Professor Oak. Profeessor Oak has had a long history of animal abuse,...
297 views0 comments
Biden promises to release hostages dangling over boiling lava if Batman will vote blue
Robert McClure
  • Jan 5, 2021
  • 2 min

Biden promises to release hostages dangling over boiling lava if Batman will vote blue

Gotham City, Probably NJ - Following an incident involving a vat of experimental blue goo, president elect Joe Biden has joined Gotham's...
41 views0 comments
Netflix to option this Sanguine Penguin article for new original series
Sanguine Penguin
  • Dec 8, 2020
  • 1 min

Netflix to option this Sanguine Penguin article for new original series

LOS GATOS, Calif. – Netflix plans to option this Sanguine Penguin article for a new original series, Sanguine Penguin has learned. The...
17 views0 comments
The Penguin presents: Ben Shapiro on Ice; facts have never been colder
Sanguine Penguin
  • Dec 3, 2020
  • 1 min

The Penguin presents: Ben Shapiro on Ice; facts have never been colder

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - Conservative commentator Ben Shapiro has announced his newest venture, a politically themed ice skating...
160 views0 comments
Progressive Hallmark movie stars woman who leaves family to becomes successful businesswoman
Robert McClure
  • Dec 1, 2020
  • 2 min

Progressive Hallmark movie stars woman who leaves family to becomes successful businesswoman

STUDIO CITY, Calif. - Hallmark is stepping out of their comfort zone with a new twist on their classic tale - this year a woman will...
80 views0 comments
Narnian Dwarf, Trumpkin, changes twitter handle to disassociate from Trump
Robert McClure
  • Nov 5, 2020
  • 2 min

Narnian Dwarf, Trumpkin, changes twitter handle to disassociate from Trump

MAGICAL WORLD OF NARNIA - Trumpkin the dwarf has officially changed his twitter handle to @dlfnarnia in an attempt to sever association...
15 views0 comments
Chris Pratt Banished To PureFlix
Robert McClure
  • Oct 29, 2020
  • 1 min

Chris Pratt Banished To PureFlix

LOS ANGELES, Calif. - Megastar Chris Pratt recently came under fire for his controversial conservative views. He has since been exiled...
27 views0 comments
TLC announces Fall lineup with traveling carnival freak-show
Sanguine Penguin
  • Oct 22, 2020
  • 1 min

TLC announces Fall lineup with traveling carnival freak-show

SILVER SPRING, Md. - TLC is experimenting with a new marketing campaign to advertise its lineup of Fall television shows, the Penguin has...
12 views0 comments
FINALLY: “King of the Hill is just Texas anime,” Mike Judge admits
Sanguine Penguin
  • Oct 8, 2020
  • 2 min

FINALLY: “King of the Hill is just Texas anime,” Mike Judge admits

AUSTIN, Tex. - In a TED talk, "King of the Hill" creator, Mike Judge, finally admitted that the beloved show is actually just "Texas...
23 views0 comments
God Drops New Teaser Trailer for Apocalypse
Sanguine Penguin
  • Sep 17, 2020
  • 1 min

God Drops New Teaser Trailer for Apocalypse

EARTH, MILKY WAY – Following a summer of natural disasters, mounting geopolitical tension, and deep social unrest across the globe,...
65 views0 comments
Awards for alternate history given to "Man in the High Castle," "1619 Project"
Sanguine Penguin
  • Sep 14, 2020
  • 2 min

Awards for alternate history given to "Man in the High Castle," "1619 Project"

NEW YORK - The Alternate Historical Fiction Society recognized several deserving writers over the weekend by honoring them with the...
48 views0 comments
Episode one of ABC's "Polygamist Bachelor" also season finale
Sanguine Penguin
  • Sep 4, 2020
  • 1 min

Episode one of ABC's "Polygamist Bachelor" also season finale

Salt Lake City, Utah – The newest polygamy-based spin-off of ABC's hit reality dating show “The Bachelor" ended abruptly after just one...
119 views0 comments
“Nursing Homies” Opens First Assisted Living Center for Retiring Rappers
Nicholas Connolly
  • Sep 3, 2020
  • 1 min

“Nursing Homies” Opens First Assisted Living Center for Retiring Rappers

Gangster rappers have always faced problems from the difficulties associated with trying to achieve fame and fortune to rival street...
48 views0 comments
Congress taps Ryan Seacrest to host call-in voting
Sanguine Penguin
  • Aug 18, 2020
  • 1 min

Congress taps Ryan Seacrest to host call-in voting

HOLLYWOOD, Calif. - The House of Representatives has tapped talent-adjacent person, Ryan Seacrest to host call-in voting for the 2020...
72 views0 comments
Hulu's new Hillary Clinton series will premiere exclusively on Clinton's private servers
Sanguine Penguin
  • Aug 13, 2020
  • 1 min

Hulu's new Hillary Clinton series will premiere exclusively on Clinton's private servers

Clinton home, Chappaqua, N.Y. - Streaming platform Hulu optioned the rights to a new “historical” series being produced by America’s...
26 views0 comments

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